I had a miscarriage... // Life Update

I've been taking some time to myself recently while trying to stop myself from having a total mental breakdown. I've been bottling things up and shutting out some of my closest family and friends but after spending a-lot of my time recently trying to stay relaxed on the sofa I've done a-lot of scrolling through Instagram and I've discovered that I'm not alone. It's time for me to share our story.  

For the past few years I've never felt more ready to become a mum. I feel it's something I was born to be. I was beyond excited when myself and Euan discovered our good news. We didn't think things would happen for us so quickly but we were both so ready to become parents, to take that next step in our lives, another chapter in our book. However this chapter wasn't meant to be for us and I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason, but that's hard at the moment for me to grasp my head around. Why me? Why us?  What have I done wrong? Loosing something we had hoped and dreamed for hurts to the core. I am so grateful to have had Euan by my side, he's been my rock, my whole entire world. He's stayed strong for me when I know things aren't easy for him either. He's been doing all he can to make me smile, to make me laugh and I can't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have him. 

A good few weeks ago we discovered that we were expecting our first baby. We found out pretty early on, around the 2/3 week mark. We shared our news with some of our closest family and friends. We were excited! Plodding about daily life in a happy little bubble of love, planning what sort of parents we wanted to be, pinning ideas for nursery's to our Pinterest wall. 

Around two weeks ago things started to go all wrong for us. Last week was the worst week of my life. The pain, the bleeding, the emotions. I was struggling to stay positive after being told over the phone by a midwife to relax, but it's hard when things just don't seem normal. I just knew something wasn't right but we had to hold out until our next scan to find out what was happening. Last week was the longest, toughest week imaginable and on Monday the 28th of May on my 27th birthday we headed for our second early scan where we were given the  devastating news that we had in fact lost our baby, lost our pregnancy. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to burst out into tears in front of some people I didn't know. I was handed a leaflet and we headed for the door. It was strange and I know that no one within in the building would be able to help me, to make things better, I just had to leave the building as quickly as possible. I kept it together until we got back to the car then every emotion possible just hit me and I broke down. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. The only person I needed around me was Euan and he was right there by my side. He's the only person that makes it all okay.   

I'm still struggling to wrap my head around things if I'm being honest. This past week or so has been full of ups n downs and I have so many mixed emotions. I feel helpless, I'm scared, confused, heartbroken and I seem to have developed the worst anxiety ever. I've been shutting myself away and finding it hard to get myself back into my routine and back to normality. The list of things goes on to be honest and I know it will just take some time for it all to be okay again. 

One thing that I wasn't prepared for was how painful things have been physically. I knew emotionally things would be hard to deal with but I can't begin to describe the cramping, the pain. I've had good days and bad days. The majority of the time I've been curled on the sofa only really moving to go to the bathroom. The pains come and go. I've never known someone to have had a miscarriage, no one ever speaks about the sad things. We only ever see on social media the happy news. The exciting announcements, the gender reveals and baby showers and theres nothing wrong with that at all, I'd even planned these things in my head already, how we would do things. No one ever shares the sad experiences, but maybe we should? Maybe we should share more of the tough times to realise that we aren't alone? These things happen and they are tough but we pull through them eventually

It's taken me some time to decide if I should post this or not as my blog or Instagram feed they are normally filled with happy or foodie posts. I don't write this post for sympathy, I write this in the hope that it helps someone else who may be going through this same process of loss and grief, to let them know that we aren't always alone. It's okay to not be okay! It's okay to cry. But if you do see me and I don't want to talk about it face to face just yet then don't be offended I'm just trying to process things on my own, with Euan. It's nothing personal, it's just my way of trying to deal with things. I've found writing down my feelings and reading other peoples experiences is helping me ever so slightly. 

To the 1 in 4 women and couples that experience this my heart truly goes out to you. It's hard mentally and physically but we will be alright eventually, sometimes it just takes some time. 

Sarah // 

New Cocktail Menu Launch // Orchid, Aberdeen

If you haven't been to Orchid before then where have you been? 

Orchid is located on Langstane Place next door to Yatai and just up the street from Soul & Dusk. At the end of last year they won the SLTN award for Cocktail Bar of the Year and they most certainly deserve it! 

Orchid has a very special place in my heart, it's where myself and euan celebrated our engagement with all our friends and family and it's one of my favourite cocktail bars in Aberdeen. Martin Farmer from Porters Gin recently asked us along to the launch night for Orchids new cocktail menu and we certainly couldn't miss it! 

You will have to excuse my photo skills on this blog post. If you have ever been in Orchid before you'll know that it's quite dark which makes taking photos of pretty cocktails quite difficult. Orchid is beautiful inside though, it's dark and rustic and covered in all things copper which I absolutely love! 

When we arrived Nick the general manager seated us to a table near the window and provided us both with an arrival cocktail and cheese board! The first cocktail was 'AJ's Knockout'. This is a rum based tropical cocktail made with clarified milk and inside the glass was an ice cube which had orchids logo branded into it, a very nice touch! This cocktail was awesome! It was so light and refreshing, you could easily sit and drink these all night and not get fed up or sickened with the taste. 

While devouring the awesome cheeseboard that they had provided Euan spent some time trying to capture some video footage of the orchid team hard at work for his youtube channel. The cheese was fantastic and complimented the cocktails really well and with euan not being that into cheese boards I happily munched my way through all the different cheeses while deciding which cocktail was next on my hit list.

Next up was 'I like big buns and I cannot lie' which included a hot cross bun syrup! This one was a little too strong for me, but it most definitely tasted like hot cross buns! I didn't dislike it though, I just prefer my cocktails to not taste of the alcohol thats in them so it's certainly worth ordering if you love the taste of HCB's and something a bit stronger as you can really taste all the flavours within it. 

I love something that's more light and fruity which brings me onto 'Smoke but no Cigar'! WOW! This drink is without a doubt my new go to drink here in Orchid! It's so light, fresh and also really fruity but it has these smokey notes that you can taste in every sip which I thought gave it a very unique twist! 

I popped into Orchid again on the Friday night with my girls and Adrain really looked after us. He even let me stand about and take all the boomerangs of him shaking up our drinks. The staff in Orchid really are fantastic! They would go above and beyond to create something unique for you if you didn't spot anything you fancied on their new menu. That being said I really do think that this menu that they have launched really has something different for everyone to try, taste and love. 

If you haven't been into Orchid I'm not entirely sure where you have been hiding when you go on a night out but the drinks that the team create here really are on a different level to most other bars in Aberdeen and they really do put a lot of thought and care into every drink that they make. So next time you are out in town for some drinks with the girls or a catch up with the lads you have to make sure Orchid is on the list of places you will be checking out. 


Paris 2018 // YouTube


Not Your Average Wedding // Life Update

So things have fallen behind again on my blog again and I'm a little disappointed in myself. I had high hopes of really getting into writing here all the time but life just got a bit busy and hectic and it fell by the wayside again. However I am still all about the social media posting, so if you don't keep up to date on here then be sure to make sure you follow my Facebook and Instagram accounts as things are always happening over on those! But please forgive me! I really am going to try better! 

So what has changed since the last time I wrote on here...well I got ENGAGED! Which is the most exciting thing ever, well to me anyway! Me and Euan have been in each others lives for over 12 years now, which is actually crazy, childhood sweethearts! We have our little flat in Ellon and plod about daily life with our two pugs and things are great! I just presumed he was fed up of my all my hints and it was never happening but oh I was wrong! 

Euan popped the question when we were in Florida on a very special date to us! Both sets of our parents share the same wedding anniversary which I think is so unique and special. I knew it was the 30th September as I had wished them both a happy wedding anniversary that morning but I just didn't click or think it would happen at all any time soon, let alone while we were away. So after toasting some marshmallows over a campfire and a walk down the riverside at Disney's Port Orleans he totally took me by surprise! Such a surprise that instead of saying YES! I asked if he was joking! I always envisioned that I would be this bubbling uncontrollable mess unable to process what was happening, I mean I literally cry at any proposal I see on the TV or Instagram but I was in such a shock I just kept asking him if he was joking, he had me speechless! Of course I said yes and since we have came home I've just been floating around in my happy little 'I'm getting married' bubble and I am so excited!

A couple weeks after being home we went to visit The Barn @ Barra Castle and it's absolute wedding heaven for us! I had my eye on the venue long before we got engaged and watched it's building process unfold all over social media so I knew instantly that we had to make a little visit to view it and within a couple of minutes of being there we just knew this is where we had to tie the knot. If I'm be honest we kind of had our minds made up on Barra before we viewed it and walking in the door and seeing all the wooden beams and the cosy fire place we just knew we had to have it! We didn't view any other venues, we just knew this was the place for us. A few weeks later after speaking it through with our parents we had all the paperwork signed and the deposit down! We originally wanted to get married on the 30th September to keep the date special between both our parents and us but the next available Saturday for that same date would have been into 2023 and that's just too far away for us, we'd both be into our thirties and we have always had the same life plan of being married and having at least one child before we reached the big 30! So instead we decided to pick a complete random date and create our own wedding anniversary, something special between us. That being said roll on the 12th October 2019! It's only 630 days to go and it's coming around so quickly! I mean we have been engaged for nearly 5 months now! However it's giving us all the time for planning and saving while still enjoying our day to day life!

Sunday was my first proper wedding planning outing with some of my bridesmaids, my mum and my future mother in law and I was super excited about it! We all headed along to the #notyouraveragewedding exhibition at Unit 51 Aberdeen hosted by Linton & Mac and Kim Dalglish Florist and it was all kinds of awesome! I can't picture myself as a bridey bride in the big white fairy tale dress. It's just not for me and that's cool everyone is different and everyone has different visions for their perfect day however big or small it may be. So when I spotted that this exhibition was happening and it was aimed at brides looking for something quirky I knew I had to grab us tickets and head along to check out all the fun. 

On arrival we were handed a goodie bag filled with flyers and little bits n bobs from each company exhibiting. The venue was filled with the sound of swing music from Paul Black Music and the atmosphere was buzzing! I couldn't wait to get exploring and speak to all the companies that I had on my little wedding planning list! 

First on my list was Kim Dalglish Florist. Her flowers are really something else! The stand was full of bright eye catching colours and rustic flower bouquets and ribbons. I've been keeping my eye on Kim's Instagram for a little while now as her style of flowers match my Pinterest board inspiration perfectly and I'm all about the big wild flower bouquets. So after a little yap I made sure to send an email later that evening to get my appointment booked in for more flower wedding chats and I can't wait! 

Kim's bouquets where also used in the fashion show where Ivory Grace and The Closet Vintage showcased some of the amazing bride and bridesmaid dresses they have in their stores. The dresses were gorgeous! However some of these were a bit too different for me but some where also still a bit too bridal for me. To be honest I don't know what I want, I keep changing my mind on styles all the time. I have too many different ideas saved on Pinterest and in my phone that I have no clue what will suit me and my body shape or skin tone. I could go and try things on and go for something totally different from what I have envisioned in my mind. I'm never going to know what I suit until I start looking and trying things on, with that being said I've sent an email away and I'll be making my first bridal appointment at Ivory Grace so I can try on a few of the styles I did see and like.


Robins Egg Flower & Event Design was next on my hit list of stands I had to visit. Robins Egg is ran by Hazel and her work is stunning. You may also know her from A Vintage Tea Party but they re-branded an few years ago. I stupidly forgot to take a photo of her stand but it was beautiful and covered with gin bottles, candles, crystals and terrariums dotted around with beautiful artwork from Amy Singer Art! Amy also designs the most beautiful personalised leather jackets which can be customised to suit any brides style and they are to die for! I was obviously too deep in conversation about my ideas and talking about weddings she had previously styled at our venue that I completely forgot to snap a photo! Hazel informed me about the Your Wedding Exhibition which is happening at the AECC this weekend. I had no clue about it to be honest, I was so sucked into the brands and happenings with Not Your Average Wedding that I didn't realise it was this weekend. However Hazel told me that it's her biggest event of the year and she puts a lot of hard work and effort into her stand for the event there each year and that it would be nice for me to head along to see what she has going on. I've also emailed Robin's Egg to get a little appointment made so we can continue our talks about all my ideas and I can't wait! 

Me and the girls then tackled the foodie stands, HELLO CHEESE (Gourmet Cheese Co) and CAKE (Peach Powder Blue)! Gourmet Cheese Co are based in Rosemount Aberdeen and can help you build and create your perfect cheese tiered cake and if you want actual cake and not cheese then Peach Powder Blue is where it's at! Her cakes are stunning and also delicious! We sampled the nicest mini vanilla cupcakes and they also red velvet with mini baileys droppers which you squeezed into the middle of the cake! 

The Wandering Oven was where I was heading though! Since coming back from Florida and eating all the Blaze Pizza, pizza has kinda become our thing! Euan used to be this little weirdo that made me call domino's and lie to them that he was allergic to tomatoes so they wouldn't add it to the base and he would eat base, chicken and cheese but he's decided to finally start adulting and eat like a normal person and loves pizza in it's true form! We are trying to incorporate pizza into our wedding somehow so when I heard that The Wandering Oven was going to be there with their gourmet pizza's and that they can cater weddings I knew we had to give them a try and wow did they live up to my pizza expectations! They were delicious and I'm still thinking about the crunchy base and rich tomato base!

The highlight of my day was being pampered by the awesome team at Linton and Mac! I was chatting away to some of the girls enquiring about prices for possible hair and makeup for our big day, when one of the team offered to do my hair. I know exactly the style of hair I want for myself on our big day. I'd love a messy halo pleat, something I can never create on my own. My mum was a little bit surprised because If I ever head on a night out I leave my hair down and curl it, but in daily life I pretty much tie my hair up every day to get it off my face as it annoys me a bit when it's down, especially if I'm at work. I know if it is down that I would constantly touch it or tuck It behind my ears so it's most likely going to land up. Up and off my face. You never know though I could totally change my mind when the time comes round! One of the girls had a play around with my hair to see if it was long enough to create the style I was dreaming of and it was! I was SO happy with the end result! I was advised to maybe grow my hair just a little bit longer to avoid some fly away/stray hairs but other than that it worked great. I really wish I had caught the name of the girl that did it for me as she was so lovely and super friendly and really made my girly day!

There was so many great local suppliers at the event and even though I didn't manage to speak to them all the whole day really added to my happy little 'I'm getting married!' wedding bubble and our planning is well and truly underway! From gathering quotes to meeting catering suppliers we are both enjoying every single second! I've listed and linked below all the awesome companies that headed along to exhibit so if you want to check any of them out then just follow the links below! 

👯‍♀️ • Linton & Mac
🎥 • Bonsai Weddings
👰🏼 • Ivory Grace
💍 • aubeebop jewellery
🎀 • Robin's Egg & Amy Singer Art
🍰 • Peach Powder Blue
🧀 • Gourmet Cheese Co.
🍕 • The Wandering Oven
🎙 • Paul Black
🎧 • Kev Reid
🌐 • Unit 51 Aberdeen
⚓️ • Friends of Anchor

Are you planning a wedding? Which wedding shows do you recommend I head along to for more inspiration and fun? Also which wedding dress shops are a MUST for getting an appointment at? 

Sarah // 

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